hence the title day 2b, I haven't finished day 2 of my blog yet here is another entry. Today's title would probably read better if it said the struggle of being a good mother today!
I started with my daily reading at 9:30a.m. which usually last from 30 min. to an hour. Then I started in on my homework. I am not a student of education, I am taking classes at our church. Sunday night I take a class for codependency, which our homework is reading the given chapter of "CODEPENDENT NO MORE" by Melody Beatty, along with a chapter of our step book. it is a 12 step recovery program through Celebrate Recovery. I would've never in a million years thought anyone would need a 12 step program for codependency. But then again I never knew what codependency really was until I started this class. I am going to quote my favorite part of the book I have read so far. (I am only on chapter 13)
let me start by giving the definition of a codependent
*A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that persons behavior*
In her book on page 93 she writes
"Jesus helped many people, but He was honest and straight forward about it. He didn't persecute people after He helped them. And He asked them why, too He held people responsible for their own behavior.
I think caretaking perverts Biblical messages about giving, loving, and helping. Nowhere in the Bible we are instructed to do something for someone, then scratch his or her eyes out. Nowhere are we told to walk the extra mile with someone, then grab the persons cane and beat him or her with it. Caring about people and giving are good, desirable qualities-something we need to do-but many codependents have misinterpreted the suggestions to ""give until it hurts"" we continue giving long after it hurts, usually until we are doubled over in pain. It's good to give some away, but we don't have to give it all away. It's okay to keep some for ourselves."
I just LOVE that part of her book! That's my Sunday night homework
Now on Monday nights I am starting a LIFE group where we meet together and we are supposed to live LIFE together growing in scripture and discipleship.
We shall see what comes of that, I have just started.
Tuesday night we are currently studying the book of John in our Firm Foundations class. I love this study. We have a small amount of work daily for each chapter around 30-45 min. of study by an amazing woman whom I won't name because she goes to our church.
So Wednesday morning we have a women of wisdom bible study! This time its pretty deep, we are studying "Faithful Abundant True" by Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore. An amazing study so far.
Then Wednesday night we have our local Celebrate Recovery at church, which I have grown to love as my family! These people are real people, with everday hurts, habits, and hangups. I have watched people literally on the edge of divorce reconcile, and homeless people get married and get back into society. We just love on people and let the love of Christ shine.
All that said, I did all of my whole weeks worth of homework today! starting at 10:30a.m. and didn't finish until almost 8p.m. I did put a pizza in the oven, for the families dinner.
Now why did I do all my homework in one day!
There is a missions conference starting at 9a.m. tomorrow. I have a viewing of a family member I lost last week, then back to the conference. Church Sunday morning and the funeral is Sunday at 1p.m. then back to the finale of the conference at 5:30p.m. And Monday back to all my classes in the p.m.
Oh did I mention that I am a homeschooling teacher for my 8th grade daughter.
I just finished grading her papers, and she is done for the weekend. So I feel like I payed a lot of attention to my homework, but I also feel God gave me ample and special time with each kid. I am so proud that they understand my studying was so crucial this weekend.
I think I need to take them all out for a treat next payday!
My husband came home around 6:30, and said he was waiting for the call from his son. It is now 10:02p.m. And no call.
It breaks my heart to think as a parent, what my husband has to be feeling knowing that your baby is out there doing terrible things to do terrible things to his body.
I know I have to leave it in God's hands, but my husband believes he is going to call? This is where I would love to throw a good dose of reality at my husband. But this to I need to let God deal with! hmmm sounds easier than it is.
Well my son is watching veggietales for the second time tonight! I need to see what "the pirates who don't do anything" are up too!
Goodnight all,
and God bless
Friday, January 28, 2011
My struggle with being a loving wife day 2
Well, I want everyone to know that I fed my husband last night! Potstickers with white rice. The potstickers is a family favorite we have found at Costco, they are delicious, and come with their own sauce. So I did my duty of making sure my hard working husband had a warm meal to come home to.
So the purse party was actually fun! It was a Miche bag party. I didn't buy anything at the time, due to lack of funds right now. But I did book a party for March 31. Hopefully after tax return time, I will have a little breathing room money for some fun stuff. Now I said I don't usually carry a purse, but these bags/purses we so much fun! If anyone is not familiar with them, you buy the base of the bag, then you buy separate shells that go over them, with different patterns and styles. So inspired to start carrying a purse!
Well I came home around 10pm, my husband had his empty can of tobacco, and empty box of rolling papers on the table. I haven't checked his supply lately so he ran out. But I have a back up for him, so I took it in the room. He was sleeping. I went to bed. I have a confession to make that I am not proud of, I sleep in the living room on a hide a bed with my son. I haven't slept in the same bed with my husband for about 3 years now. It is not because I don't like him, but it is just way more convenient! My husband goes to bed between 7-9. And he wakes up at 4:45.
I stay up way later than that, so I don't want to disturb him. I know it sounds weird, but I can only take one step at a time to be the "ultimate" wife!
So I went to wake my husband at 4:40 when I heard something from the room. He was rolling his cigarettes for the day. He just started rolling cigarettes, this last year due to budget issues and bad choices. (we will tell that story later)
So he proceeded to tell me that he went to the house where he thought his son was.
This would have been his youngest son before we married, and our little surprise came along! My husband said he was at a crack house, filled with people coming in and out. He said his son looked so scared, and said he wanted to change his lifestyle.
This is one of the issues me and my husband have a difference of opinions and lifestyle outlook. He wants to rescue his son, and take him to a home (rehab). I think we should let God do his work, and be ready when his son comes to us for help. I don't like the idea of getting in the way of God's working. (note:I have done this for many years, and realize the delay of blessings that come even if it seems to take forever!)
So he say's his son is supposed to call tonight being ready to go! Now a little background on this son. (I am trying to leave out names for respect sakes) When I met my husband 5 years ago, he started getting calls from his ex-wife, concerning this son. (My husband has 2 sons and a daughter from previous marriage)
So he started being a object of concern early in our marriage. We actually got married with the notion, we would let him live with us and "FIX" him.
That didn't ever come about! So we have went through 5 years of addiction and in and out of rehabs and kickin the habit etc. This addiction is Heroine, and also xanax? this prescription drug, which is very common addiction among the young adults now days. So the son, said he couldn't leave the crack house last night because "he had too much stuff their" my husband tells me. My understanding is IF he really wants help he would've went last night. So my husband today tells me, "IF" he calls today, he is going to get a loan from a family member. (until tax return time/// our tax money is disappearing before we get it!! he he) So he is going to get this loan and drive him to palm springs tonight! I think its a 6hour drive from here.
Now I am all for the rehab and help and I love this son, my heart breaks for him and my husband. But I don't think he is ready for help, I feel my husband is jeopardizing his family at home for unrealistic reasons. I know God can supernaturally heal and restore! But this is a situation, where they are not even seeking God or His strength. So my struggle to be a good wife continues, we shall see what the day brings forth! Lord let me be my husbands companion and help mate, but let me glorify You in this process
So the purse party was actually fun! It was a Miche bag party. I didn't buy anything at the time, due to lack of funds right now. But I did book a party for March 31. Hopefully after tax return time, I will have a little breathing room money for some fun stuff. Now I said I don't usually carry a purse, but these bags/purses we so much fun! If anyone is not familiar with them, you buy the base of the bag, then you buy separate shells that go over them, with different patterns and styles. So inspired to start carrying a purse!
Well I came home around 10pm, my husband had his empty can of tobacco, and empty box of rolling papers on the table. I haven't checked his supply lately so he ran out. But I have a back up for him, so I took it in the room. He was sleeping. I went to bed. I have a confession to make that I am not proud of, I sleep in the living room on a hide a bed with my son. I haven't slept in the same bed with my husband for about 3 years now. It is not because I don't like him, but it is just way more convenient! My husband goes to bed between 7-9. And he wakes up at 4:45.
I stay up way later than that, so I don't want to disturb him. I know it sounds weird, but I can only take one step at a time to be the "ultimate" wife!
So I went to wake my husband at 4:40 when I heard something from the room. He was rolling his cigarettes for the day. He just started rolling cigarettes, this last year due to budget issues and bad choices. (we will tell that story later)
So he proceeded to tell me that he went to the house where he thought his son was.
This would have been his youngest son before we married, and our little surprise came along! My husband said he was at a crack house, filled with people coming in and out. He said his son looked so scared, and said he wanted to change his lifestyle.
This is one of the issues me and my husband have a difference of opinions and lifestyle outlook. He wants to rescue his son, and take him to a home (rehab). I think we should let God do his work, and be ready when his son comes to us for help. I don't like the idea of getting in the way of God's working. (note:I have done this for many years, and realize the delay of blessings that come even if it seems to take forever!)
So he say's his son is supposed to call tonight being ready to go! Now a little background on this son. (I am trying to leave out names for respect sakes) When I met my husband 5 years ago, he started getting calls from his ex-wife, concerning this son. (My husband has 2 sons and a daughter from previous marriage)
So he started being a object of concern early in our marriage. We actually got married with the notion, we would let him live with us and "FIX" him.
That didn't ever come about! So we have went through 5 years of addiction and in and out of rehabs and kickin the habit etc. This addiction is Heroine, and also xanax? this prescription drug, which is very common addiction among the young adults now days. So the son, said he couldn't leave the crack house last night because "he had too much stuff their" my husband tells me. My understanding is IF he really wants help he would've went last night. So my husband today tells me, "IF" he calls today, he is going to get a loan from a family member. (until tax return time/// our tax money is disappearing before we get it!! he he) So he is going to get this loan and drive him to palm springs tonight! I think its a 6hour drive from here.
Now I am all for the rehab and help and I love this son, my heart breaks for him and my husband. But I don't think he is ready for help, I feel my husband is jeopardizing his family at home for unrealistic reasons. I know God can supernaturally heal and restore! But this is a situation, where they are not even seeking God or His strength. So my struggle to be a good wife continues, we shall see what the day brings forth! Lord let me be my husbands companion and help mate, but let me glorify You in this process
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I don't know what I am doing
Well, here is to a new blog! I am not sure what I am exciting news I am going to be bringing you all, but I know that my life is definitely not boring or dull, So if you would like to hang out and be blogging partners lets explore!
My struggle with being a loving wife
Today is a beautiful sun shining day in beautiful California. My son's eyes are slowly falling into a trance about ready to fall asleep. My 8th grade daughter is doing her homework quietly in her room while she listens to Christian music.
All seems to be a perfect picture. But I am so tired and would love to just get in my pj's and snuggle up and watch some movies! I have plans to go to a purse party, oddly I don't carry a purse. I know it sounds so weird that I don't carry a purse. But since I used to ride Harley's I have learned to manage everything I ever needed in a wallet, so I carry a wallet in my back pocket. (kinda like most men) So I just want to get out of the house and see my friend, so I agreed to go to this party.
I haven't even thought about dinner today, usually I would have figured it out by now. But I graciously escorted my mother and her husband to Costco this morning. Which took up a whopping two hours for my day! After chasing my son around and following her around, I am completely exhausted, mentally and physically.
So my husband wouldn't care if I stayed home in my pj's watching movies. Yet I feel its my duty to cook his dinner, (which it is) so I must decide quickly what to fix him to eat!
The point of my struggle thus far has been, my journey of being married has definitely been trying and educational both. I didn't grow up in a very structured home, especially in the marriage department. My father was killed by the time I was 3 years old. My mother remarried and all I remember after that is a slew of husbands for her, 2 others were killed as well. I can't speak for my mother but that had to be rough! But the other men in my mothers life were (I would say) losers. abusive, etc.
In my own marriage I have entered these first 5 years of taking care of everyone in my house, except myself! So in my Celebrate Recovery classes I have learned hurt people, hurt people! And I definitely have been hurt, so I have been ultimately hurting the ones I love!
This year 2011, God spoke to me and told me this year can be different, if I change it. So here you go 2011! I am going to learn how to be healthy! Awesome wife, and an amazing mother....
So hold on honey (my husband) you are in for the ride of your life!
All seems to be a perfect picture. But I am so tired and would love to just get in my pj's and snuggle up and watch some movies! I have plans to go to a purse party, oddly I don't carry a purse. I know it sounds so weird that I don't carry a purse. But since I used to ride Harley's I have learned to manage everything I ever needed in a wallet, so I carry a wallet in my back pocket. (kinda like most men) So I just want to get out of the house and see my friend, so I agreed to go to this party.
I haven't even thought about dinner today, usually I would have figured it out by now. But I graciously escorted my mother and her husband to Costco this morning. Which took up a whopping two hours for my day! After chasing my son around and following her around, I am completely exhausted, mentally and physically.
So my husband wouldn't care if I stayed home in my pj's watching movies. Yet I feel its my duty to cook his dinner, (which it is) so I must decide quickly what to fix him to eat!
The point of my struggle thus far has been, my journey of being married has definitely been trying and educational both. I didn't grow up in a very structured home, especially in the marriage department. My father was killed by the time I was 3 years old. My mother remarried and all I remember after that is a slew of husbands for her, 2 others were killed as well. I can't speak for my mother but that had to be rough! But the other men in my mothers life were (I would say) losers. abusive, etc.
In my own marriage I have entered these first 5 years of taking care of everyone in my house, except myself! So in my Celebrate Recovery classes I have learned hurt people, hurt people! And I definitely have been hurt, so I have been ultimately hurting the ones I love!
This year 2011, God spoke to me and told me this year can be different, if I change it. So here you go 2011! I am going to learn how to be healthy! Awesome wife, and an amazing mother....
So hold on honey (my husband) you are in for the ride of your life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)